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Responsibility
mood: 
restless
restlessA friend of mine is pregnant. She has a young daughter, less than 5 years old, and up until just recently, had no job. Her parents basically watch her daughter all the time while she laments about not seeing her or having enough money to do stuff for her... all the while she's having a few drinks or playing pool with some friends. Seriously, I've been waiting to tell this girl off for quite some time. I'm not one to go up to someone and say, "you're a fucking idiot", but for the last 3 months I've been waiting to see her in person so I could go on a rant about her lifestyle. She's been very wise to avoid me. I'm not sure if maybe someone gave her the news that I was just waiting for her to talk to me or what, but she's been a ghost to me after a bunch of stuff went down a few months ago. I refrained from giving my two cents then because I didn't think the situation was that bad. It wasn't. It was worse.
She's pregnant, finally got a job at a car dealership working on cars, and already has a daughter she doesn't spend much time with. The husband? Oh, didn't I mention, he's in Tennessee, which is actually a good thing. I heard so many horrible things about him, from her, but these days I question how objective her statements were. The best part is that this isn't even HIS kid. She's been divorced for almost a year now and has been dating around. Well, she just so happened to be dating someone I worked with and still keep in touch with. The bad thing? He was married. He still is but the divorce is coming, or so I hear. It's been a few months and neither side has really moved on it, but they're most definitely separated. I'm not quite sure of the timing, but my pregnant friend started "officially" dating my other friend from work right about the time he was separating from his wife. Well, now she's pregnant, and apparently he will have nothing to do with her as the two of them haven't been together for a while. Did I mention that they want to have an abortion? Now, I know this may sound chauvinistic, but this is my two cents on the situation:
It's her own damn fault.
1) The two of them, apparently, didn't use condoms. However, due to biological circumstances beyond their control, she was the only one of the two that could get pregnant. The onus is on her to either NOT have sex OR to have sex and make him use a condom knowing that if the condom broke she could get pregnant. Now, if he forced himself on her then I can see things being different, but that would be rape, and this isn't rape.
2) She didn't have a job and her parents have spent much more time with her daughter than she has. She obviously "can't" commit to spend enough time with her current kid. Did she expect to magically gain time when she had this kid? Or maybe she just didn't even consider any of this. She has no money and she has no time for her kid, let alone another one. Why would you even do anything that could increase your chances for getting pregnant?
3) She couldn't possibly expect this guy to support her and the kid. He's still married, legally, but as far as I know the papers haven't even been started yet on being divorced. He's not making a ton of money and he's my age and from when we talked, wasn't anywhere ready to become a father.
All of these things, in my opinion, create a pretty strong reason to NOT get pregnant. However, for whatever reason, she's pregnant and most likely going to have an abortion. Granted, I may be liberal in many aspects, but I am almost completely against abortion. Except in cases where rape is involved, I would say abortion should be illegal. Yes, I'm aware of the argument that it is the woman's body and she is in control of it. I'd like to mention that "technically" there is another body INSIDE your body which you would be affecting. It's not just your life that it's changing, ladies. If nothing else, the cruel truth is that woman have to handle pregnancy much more intimately than guys do. In my opinion, women have the responsibility to handle whatever arises with the pregnancy. YOU CHOOSE to have sex . Sex makes pregnancy possible and even though condoms are very good against preventing pregnancy, they are not 100%. Every time you have sex, you're taking a chance at becoming pregnant. Yes, it's not fair that men can have fun and run, but that's the way life is. Deal with the consequences of having sex.
Now, if someone is raped, I can see the possibility of an abortion. I'm not quite sure where I stand on that issue though. A part of me questions taking ANY LIFE, but another part of me can be sympathetic for having to carry a baby and having it remind you of a rape every day of the pregnancy. However, life forces us all to make choices and even little things can affect our life in BIG ways. Walking home through a bad part of town could be avoided by good planning and preparation. ::shrug:: Overall, there are many good arguments for each side, so my jury is still out on that issue.
At any rate, sorry to to digress into this rant on my stance on abortion. I know I'll probably have people disagree, but I stand by my comments. It's all about responsibility and accepting the seeds that you've, or you've had, sewn.
Note from the author:
It may sound harsh when I say "deal with whatever arises" regarding the pregnancy. I know some men lie, some men will cheat or do other things which make staying with them something that is not an option. However, in the end, it's up to you to decide if you're going to have sex and all of this should be in the back of your mind. Sure, things may turn out badly, but life isn't always cake and ice cream. At any rate, I'd find it great if women started charging guys with rape more often in these cases. Make the guys know that if they have their fun and run, if you will, that they're also making the decision to partake in something which could lead to pregnancy. I promise you, if more women start charging guys with rape, guys will think twice about having sex so randomly and most babies will have a father who is willing to do his part to aid in their upbringing.
that way the woman doesn't have to conceive, yet the baby will still live inside of a loving mother.
Aaaaaah, Mommy Dearest. ;-)
I'm freightened to see what will change over the period of my life with regard to this subject.
Each generation has a major shift of some kind.
The babyboomer's want everything now and will shove it all on our plate to worry about... but will we be there to pick up the pieces? Nobody in our generation has personal responsibility.
This all scares the crap out of me.
It's scary. Also partly why I'd love to run for office.
you sure you don't want that pet smart job in terre haute? just think of all the advantages of living in terre haute, other than living 30 miles from me... *think think think* yeah. um, i can't think of any either. stay in georgia, but just remember your place. LOL
As for Indiana... it's just so flat and... there's so many farms, lol. Driving through Indiana was tough enough, I couldn't imagine living there.
i think you're simplying the issue way too much. there are plenty of other instances of rape that don't involve walking through a bad part of town..i'm thinking more of a 14-year old girl raped by a family member or a woman sleeping in her own bed as someone breaks into the house and rapes her. that has absolutely nothing to do with "responsibility"
I promise you, if more women start charging guys with rape, guys will think twice about having sex so randomly and most babies will have a father who is willing to do his part to aid in their upbringing.
i'm sorry, but that's an extremely naive statement..i wish it was true but unfortunately not all guys are as thoughtful and decent of a human being as you seem to be.
(Anonymous)
As far as the charging guys with rape, I still think it would have some truth. If you get women to start charging guys with rape more often, say even when it wasn't rape (but there was a pregnancy and if abortion was allowed in cases of rape), a lot of guys would get the message when they see lots of guys going to jail. It's kinda like the insanity defense, it isn't always true, but it's a crutch and it works in many cases. Immoral, yes. In the world we have today however, I believe it could work. ::shrug:: Again though, I'm still working on my stance and beliefs on this, it's rather complicated, lol.
this is all very heavy stuff and until youre in the situation yourself (which due to our gender, neither of us will ever be) i'd be careful placing judgment.
I do take case with your comment on laws. If your view is true, why even have laws at all? If laws and punishments don't deter ANYONE, why do we have them and why do we have the court system? I mean, I'm not saying it's a wonder solution that will stop all rape. I believe it would help stop some of the rapes out there. Realistically speaking, I think that's all we could hope for and remain level headed.
As for placing judgement, I don't think I've come across as placing judgement. The only one I judged was my friend who has made MANY bad choices. As a group, we've tried to help her and be supportive, but it's tough when she doesn't really listen or seem to care. As the saying goes, she made her bed... At any rate, she's not a bad person, I just think that she's a little immature still. Hopefully we can help her through this.
I just don't know where I stand on how it should be legislated.
Ultimately, every time you throw a new strand of DNA together, you create new life, one cell or one billion cells. And each life has rights, in my opinion. Even if the child is unwanted, better it be delivered into the world and put up for adoption by a couple who wants to love it like their own than it be hacked out and tossed.
Personally, even in the event of pregnancies brought about by rape, I am not in favor of abortions. I don't believe the child should have to suffer the loss of a chance at life. I realize this is extremist, which is why I don't expect everyone to agree with me.
The only exception I see is the case in which the pregnancy is doomed by complications, in which it would cause either or both mother and child to die.
But those aren't choices I feel I can make for anyone else.
I agree that aside from the aformentioned exceptions, the woman's "right to choose" is the right to choose whether or not she has sex, as pregnancy is an understood consequence of sex.
However, like I said, it's not something I have a stance for the legislation of.
My personal views are fairly radical considering the pervasive ideology on the matter and I respect that. This is made easier by the fact that I'll never be getting anyone pregnant, nor the other way around.
Looser views, such as the banning of abortion with the exception of rape-induced pregnancies, are impossible to put into law. Can you imagine how many rapes would suddenly be reported, true or not, simply for the justification of an abortion in the eyes of the law? This victimizes everyone; the unborn child, the woman who is suddenly a "sex crime victim" and the man who is suddenly a "rapist." Ugly situation.
I don't think modern society is prepared for a change, in either direction, concerning abortion. Neither the complete banning of abortion nor the full allowance of it will bring about any good, and any minor shift within the range between the two would prove incredibly difficult to legislate, though the banning of partial-birth abortions would most definitely be a step in the right direction, especially since there are some people alive today who are only alive because they accidentally survived such an execution.
That said, I am strongly in favor of making the morning after pill widely available, as it is effective pre-fertilization (according to what I know about it; I may be misinformed). The pill should come in Tic-Tac containers, and be mint flavored and chewable.
I find my own views strange sometimes; I hate kids.
I'm basically quite conscious that I'm misinformed.
The ugly results of the rape laws could be interesting though. If enough guys start going down for this in court, wouldn't you imagine the rest might think with their other head for a change? Sure, it's not the intent of the law, but it could possibly have a similar effect.
Innocent men go to prison in hopes to eventually prevent promiscuity, or allow the unchecked abortion of new life.
I usually lean towards pro-choice. I just don't feel right saying a woman should be forced to carry a child, especially since it's not something that I can do. Now this doesn't mean that I feel right saying we should be taking lives at will either. Just that the definition of life in this case is a bit fuzzy. Some say its life as soon as you find out that you're pregnant or in other words if a test can identify it then its alive. Others say if nerve endings have formed and others say as soon as the brain forms and they become conscious. When life actually starts is a point for another time though.
Forcing women to carry that unwanted child doesn't force them to be responsible about it. We can prohibit abortions all day long through legislation but if the woman doesn't want the child she won't be nearly as careful with it. She will continue to do whatever she wants and possibly even resent the idea by consuming large amounts of alcohol, smoking, taking drugs which specifically state not to when pregnant, etc. The chance of having a "bad" pregnancy, a child thats challenged in several areas, and/or disadvantaged increases if you force women to carry children they do not want. Do we really want to knowingly bring disadvantaged children into this world? I can only imagine what coming into the world with a parent that does not love you will do to a child's psyche. Even if the woman is fine with having a child and decides instead to immediately give them up for adoption, all children aren't adopted. So we're filling our adoption and foster care centers up with children. Once the child is born, society has to deal with it no matter what the mother says at that point.
This is one issue that I'm not so sure legislation alone can solve. No matter what the law says people are going to be angry and find ways around it. If we exclude rape as a scenario, this still wouldn't be an easy decision. Like you said in the beginning of your post, no one is responsible for anything anymore and the law is starting to cater to this. People have been given the chance to be responsible about sex but it's not working. We can prevent the ill-wanted pregnancy in the first place by promoting abstinence. Oh, wait, that didn't work. We can also make birth control, the morning after pill, condoms and other contraceptives widely available. Oh, wait, that didn't quite work either. Looks like something that won't quite be solved in our lifetime, especially if you listen to the way the next generation is talking.